One day, more than twenty years ago, I wrote a journal entry:
On Writing
I sit at my desk in despair, frenziedly reading through my journal, bookmarking it with yellow post-its and ill-assorted thoughts. I berate myself in the knowledge that I lack words, ideas, imagination, inspiration and memory. How could I keep deluding myself that I am a writer?
I get a coffee, sit at the computer and remember advice from a writing course. Just start typing a few ideas. You can always delete them and maybe gradually you’ll sort out some structure. And yes after two hours of uninspired slogging and coffee-sipping, a couple of paragraphs seem to have arranged themselves into what could be called ‘a beginning’. Nevertheless I am left contemplating the image of a constipated hippopotamus, straining and groaning to push out a disappointingly miniscule idea.
Next day I read the piece and discover that overnight it has developed a kind of liveliness. I toss around some ideas, free-write in my journal and approach the computer again. Suddenly my fingers are the keys of a pianola, dropping and lifting without effort. A grin of delight spreads across my face, saying to an unwatching world (sadly). Yes I can do it. I am a writer after all.
In those days I believed that writers were enormously talented people (not me) who just started writing a book from the very first page and wrote every day till they wrote the last page and then after a bit of editing approached a publisher who gave them a wad of money and an air ticket to fly around the world promoting their best-seller.
It is comforting therefore, to hear someone like Helen Garner, one of my favourite authors, say: People don’t realise what an incredible slog it is to write a book. Or Joseph O’Connor, whose book My Father’s House I am currently reading: A book rather gets its hands around your throat and shakes you until your fillings fall out. Or this anonymous writer: Writing makes us feel we are in a straitjacket but if we don’t struggle too much, inspiration will visit when we least expect it.
I hope you, dear readers of Kandos History, will be pleased to know I have finished ‘the book’. I am euphoric. Blogging will begin again. The book is currently with my producer Bruce Welch for typesetting, design, layout and image enhancement. There will be a final edit and then off to the printer. I intend having a launch at the Kandos Museum and will let you know, hoping some of you can come. A warning that it will be a small print run; I am currently trying to decide how small. Orders taken.
I realised as I approached the end of my father’s book that my mother, in her determined and artful way, had inserted herself as a compelling character, hence she was given her place in the title. It is called, An Inventive Life, the Story of a Creative and the Woman Who Enabled Him.
My father Bruce Brown was a Rylstone local. He linked up with another local, my mother, Jean Walsh from Kandos. Bruce lived for the first four decades of his life in Rylstone and Lue, where several generations before him had settled and lived. Almost another decade was spent in Mudgee before we moved to the city. He died half a century ago, in 1973 at the age of 56.
I believe all lives are extraordinary, all lives have something to teach us. Like everyone my father was unique and imperfect – talented and impractical; loving and irresponsible.
It is more than two decades since I entered a writing life. As I look back on all I have produced, I realise success has depended only a little on talent and much more on persistence, patience and practice, constant reading and journal writing, a dictionary/thesaurus on my I-phone and a coffee at my elbow. More than anything writing has been and continues to be a hard slog. But I have no intention of giving it away. Yet.
Kandos History 
So this is the story of your father and of the wife – your mother – who made what he achieved happen – in the way of a partnership. Well done on its completion. Let us know probable cost and publication date when that is clear, please. Jim
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Thanks Jim. Glad you are still in touch. Hope to get up to Caves Point one day. Will keep you informed re book. Colleen
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I sent a link on the story to another Lue/Mudgee/Rylstone connection Annette MAIE who was delighted hear that you and me are linked – she’s among your thousand subscribers! Small world becomes smaller! Jim
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Life is full of connections.
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Colleen ..Fantastic! Proud of you!It must also be somewhat of a relief 🦛, along with a feeling of great satisfaction and achievement.And now I expect you’ll be champing at the bit to enter the 2024 Senior Stories Vol10, just announced. Theme is: What made me.Are you planning on going to the next Writers Group at Library? I plan to, all being well.CheersBernadette x
Sent from Yahoo Mail for iPad
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Thank you. Relief will come when I see it in book form. Yes I am going to the Library on 2nd Wednesday Friends
Season Preview am SWW pm lunch with my cousin Dee midday hopefully. You must tell me where Dee came from when we meet. Xxx PS check the Friends event just in case you’re interested
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I tried to sent a comment, it didn’t go
I wrote
Welcome back, looking forward to lots more of your blogs, cheers
Sent from my Galaxy
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Thank you Rose for letting me know. I’ll check the website. Am feeling a bit rusty xxx
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Hi Colleen, So good to see you back. I would like to order a copy of your new book. Also a few for the Historical Society. Best Wishes Shirley Tunnicliff.
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Thank you Shirley. I will put some away and also let you know when the launch is happening Colleen
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Thanks Colleen Shirley
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Colleen, congratulations on your ‘hard slog’ at creating your new book. Like everything created, it is a slow process…how long before humans came on the scene? I find it a privilege to experience the work of a creator of a book, a poem, a painting or an idea that takes me out of my ‘normality’ into an emotional resonance. Your ‘hippo’ will move so much easier once your book is up for sale.
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Thank you Karel a fellow creator. We get our mojo from creating
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Good on you Colleen!
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Thank you. Will be in touch soon
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Wonderful news Colleen: congratulations on finishing the book. You describe the pleasure and pain of writing so well!
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Thanks Vanessa
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Glad to have you back on deck Colleen. Wishing you great success with your book and looking forward to your blogs. Karlyn Robinson.
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Thank you so much Karlyn. I am getting quite excited about my next blog. It will have something to do with St James Church Rylstone, a stained glass window and a nurse.
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